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Morbid Instinct

Like a Burning Fire in My Bones

by Jack Holloway

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1.
I broke the window, the eye of my soul In my glass, the water is spillin’ out of holes my Cord has not the length to reach the wall But you know, it’s all okay You can fix the crack in the window of my eye You are like the sink that fills my glass You are the extension that gets me from here to the hole in the wall I am like the gold with the crud and the iron I’ve got dust on my lips and dirt in my lungs It’s gonna take a bang a lot of work to make me what I am In the beginning, I was made in your reflection Falling away with all my imperfection The more I know You, the more I know me It’s true It’s a beautiful thing I can’t get any nearer, can’t get any farther I can’t get any better now that I am with my Father Cause You are in the Father and I am in You and You, You’re in me When am I going home?
2.
When you were young, you used to play and climb My trees And every night you would just lay and be with me And every broken path would fly away with the breeze As you just dove in to be buried with the leaves As you got older, I kept giving you all of Me And you would take it all and spend it in the city And you would romance all the girls that would love you But they would leave you because their love was never true When you came back to Me, you asked Me for some more And, of course, I gave you everything that you would need And so you built house with a view of My shore With a wife and kids and still you strive to succeed Again, you returned to me, wrinkled and aged Nothing more could you receive to satisfy you So you just came to lay and be with me once more Because all the love and rest you felt had just been staged “Oh, my dear son, don’t you know that I love you? And I always give you all the things that you need It makes Me happy to know that I can bless you And just to lay and be with you warms my soul But when you were sad all those times, well so was I Oh how it hurt My heart to see and hear you cry But though it seemed I was so far, I was really with you After all, did it take long for you to find me?” When am I going home?
3.
Well I was lying if I ever said I don’t think about you But don’t quote me on that Sometimes I think about if I ever really was happy that day Will you ever forgive me for what I said, what I did, what I didn’t do? Home alone, wasted, nothing to prove, except that I don’t give a shit Sometimes I sing at the wall and think about if maybe it was you I think maybe I do it because I really just want to stick it to you Or maybe I do because every time I get high I call you
4.
not this 03:57
I didn't ask for this, not this Didn't ask for this at all But as long as I am disappearing I guess I will thank you
5.
Bum a Drag (free) 04:06
I’m waiting on my license to expire I don’t really care for the picture there I’m waiting to set my house on fire Sometimes I think life just really isn’t fair I’m waiting on my kids to come home Yah, I don’t really wanna be a father Catch me later, I’m swamped right now I’m where I am but someday I just wanna roam I think about death a lot Have you considered heaven might not actually be there? It hurts when I think about it But at least I can say I actually think about it Come on, come on, can’t you understand at all? Can you really not tell what’s going on here? “Everbody’s doin it” Yah, and everybody’s dying from doin’ it Don’t tell me I have to make a family Those pretty eyes don’t just feed themselves Trapped in a party bus I guess if I get there, maybe I’ll get there some day Sometimes I just find this stuff hard to believe All these questions constantly filling my brain I don’t give a damn about your silly game If I can’t find the answers, maybe I’ll just go insane Life ain’t just messin around Take a drive with the music up and the windows down I ain’t just messin around Get outta my hair, my soul’s hellbound
6.
Perverse 04:26
Grew up in the church, man; I don’t miss it at all I just couldn’t stand standing in the cradle You don’t like to think about it Good luck with all that bliss, man Call me what you want It ain’t gonna change a thing You can call me a punk, man, I don’t really give a damn And don’t give me no crutch, man; I can see what you’re doing Don’t tell me I don’t understand and write me off as some kid And I, I won’t pretend to care Call me what you want It ain’t gonna change a thing
7.
Snowy Heart 04:50
Piss into the ocean and get lost in all the mess I never understood why these people are climbing this I'll wait to pick you up, but end up standing in the rain Grab myself a cigarette and smoke away the pain I'm not comfortable with my body, and I'll never say that I am sorry High and out, all I think about is how I want your love I dream of your arms, and of never being gone You're the only one who understands my brain You're the only one who can take away my shame It's not that I am lonely; it's not that I can think of you only I've howled and I've hurt and don't waste your care on me I loved you in the dark, but now I know I do not see you I'd kiss your cloudy feet if you would kiss my snowy heart, fickle and diseased; it's ugly and it really hurts me Please don't weary me with your arms I'm scared of my heart and your limbs, bruised, but beautiful I'm scared to my heart of your leaves, blowing softly away Please don't let me wither and die today And I never thought of death until this sorrow Now I think I might just go ahead and die tomorrow Unless you rescue me Please don't rescue me
8.
Dead 02:00
Is God dead like they say? Not a book on my shelf...not a word can explain The abandonment I feel...or the pain...of simply mouthing your name Is God dead like they say? All the pages I could find...could not contain...the questions that remain...
9.
Punk 04:07
How could I be expected to see it your way? I couldn’t stand the past, or the reflection in my faucet Waking up to die; just be reasonable about this Staring at myself, and feeling your hair I bought it all along, if you would only dare Sometimes the moon cries; I see it I couldn’t stand a chance I couldn’t breathe about it I couldn’t wake up at all I couldn’t stand to look upon the brightness of your moonlight You can call me a punk, if you want to I don’t care too much about it Have you ever seen a Georgia sun, going down, looking around and saying “You can call me a punk if you want to I couldn’t care less about it” I couldn’t stand a chance I couldn’t breathe about it I couldn’t wake up at all If you come around sometime, tell me how you are
10.
Low tide. Go and sleep. High tide. Take a walk with me. I lay with you in the evening I walk with you in the morning I offer you all that I have on this earth And take all that you have given And I watch the darkest day fill up with angels And he saw that it was good Morning and evening, another day

about

credits

released August 1, 2014

Thank you:
My wife Debbie, for laughing at me every time I said I was done writing music--I just wish I could write music that would capture your significance to me; dad, mom, Cassie, Chandler, Stephanie, for supporting me and in different ways showing me what wrestling with God looks like; Zach Solberg and Talia Pasqua, for (among other things) always being incredibly enthusiastic about my music; Matt Brake, Jason Peaks, Shane Whittemore, Alex Walker, Dr. William Lyons, Thomas Barron, Christof Matthews, Cory Volk, Jesiah Bonney, Mandilyn Matthews, Jason Upton, all the people at Vessel, a ton of other people, all my favorite authors, and Kurt Vile (I don’t know you but your music has kept me sane for the past few years)--you all helped with the spiritual journey and/or musical inspiration that resulted in this album. Lastly, I am thankful to God, the burning fire in my bones, and for the prophet Jeremiah.

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Jack Holloway Brooklyn, New York

-Author,
"Hands of Doom"
-Lead singer / guitarist, The Heavens

-Born in Portland, raised in Seattle, based in Brooklyn,
multinstrumentalist,
producer, writer,
photographer,
director, activist, preacher.
-Renaissance Queer.

-For bookings: morbidxinstinct@gmail.com
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